Friday, June 03, 2016

My 100th Post

This is my 100th blog post and I'm kind of freaking out about it. I wanted to properly celebrate because it's also my blog's third birthday this week and that is CRAZY. I started this just wanting to write about my own experiences and basically vent about whatever was happening in my life at that particular time, and honestly that's EXACTLY what I've done.
 
I used to spend hours editing my posts, altering my words to make them sound more professional, more sensible. But that wasn't me. It wasn't my voice. Until I realised that this is not supposed to be perfect, it's supposed to be real and the only way that would happen is if I was real. If I was honest and just wrote whatever came into my head as it happened. So that was what I did, I stopped filtering myself and just wrote about whatever I wanted. Makeup, music, books, life, anything that was on my mind or warmed my heart. Here we are, 3 years later and honestly I still love writing. It makes me feel liberated and empowered knowing that I did this all by myself, I created this entire blog by MYSELF, and if you know me personally, you'll know that this is quite impressive since I am the actual worst with technology. And yet, my blog looks, in my opinion, pretty good. Obviously, I'm still trying to improve it as I learn but overall, I feel like I've done a good job, even if I do say so myself.
 
So what I wanted to say was: I write what I want. It all depends on how I FEEL and that's about it. It's a little place for me to be ME. So why don't you do something for you? Something that makes you happy, something that inspires you, something that makes that shitty day feel just that little bit better.
 
Blogging is that thing for me.
 
It is mine and I am proud.
 
 

Monday, May 30, 2016

University vs Sixth Form

I wrote a blog post very similar to this almost 3 years ago in which I explained the differences between high school and Sixth Form and so, since I've just finished my first year at university, I thought I would write about the differences between Sixth Form and uni. I wrote a very brief list on my phone but once I started writing, it kind of turned into a "What to Expect From University" type post but it all kind of links together. Bear in mind, these are my experiences and therefore might not directly apply to you but I've tried to keep it as simple and general as possible.
 
1. The first difference is probably the fact that Sixth Form is very much "school". You have to go in every day, or at least I did, and sit in a classroom and be taught by a teacher. That's not really the case in university. The majority of my time on campus is actually in lectures, meaning that me and 300 other students sit in a big room with a lecturer at the front who talks for about an hour and we listen and take notes. For me, I only had 5-8 hours of lectures a week which means that the rest of your time is "free". That doesn't really mean "free" as you are expected to do background reading and compile notes on topics and just general revision all throughout the year, rather than just in preparation for exams like you might do at Sixth Form. This is quite difficult to do especially since I was so used to the structure of being in school and having a lot of spare time meant that I was unmotivated and got hardly any work done.
 
Luckily, my first year is kind of just a foundation year for my course and so I will be taking things more seriously next year and properly focusing on being a university student. I feel like this year was just a transition year between Sixth Form and uni because there are so many vital differences that people don't really explain.
 
2. The second difference that might not apply to everyone reading but I thought that I would include anyway because people see it as part of the "university experience", I know I did, and that is student accommodation. Obviously if you're a Sixth Form student then you live at home with your parents because you are legally a minor but when you turn 18, you can move out and since many people go straight to university, student accommodation is usually their first real step away from home. This means that you usually live in a flat or a house with maybe 4/5 people you have never met before, sharing general living facilities and sometimes even a bathroom. Fortunately for me, I had my own room and bathroom so I did have some privacy but it was a lot more difficult than I thought it was going to be living away from home. I've spoken about this in a previous blog post, Feeling Alone: My First Year At University, so I won't go on about that because you can just read it. However, it was hard for me to be away from my friends and family, much harder than I ever expected when I decided to live in student accommodation.
 
I would definitely look into all the options when you decide to go to uni, perhaps staying at home for the first year might be best if you are someone like me who feels quite anxious especially in new situations surrounded by new people. Like I said, the first year is the "transition year" and it's about making you feel the most comfortable while you start this new chapter in your life.
 
3. The third difference that I thought would be important to include was the "student lifestyle" and the fact that it is incredibly different at university than it is at Sixth Form. This might be because obviously you have more free time and it's kind of expected of you to engage in this type of behaviour but there is a lot of drinking as a student. I guess this happens a lot during the first year of university because it is the first year that people have been legally allowed to drink (the legal drinking age in the UK is 18), plus you are surrounded by bars and clubs that offer student discounts on cheap alcohol, so many people go overboard and drink themselves into oblivion, not to mention blowing their student maintenance loan in a matter of weeks. I have no objection to alcohol or anything like that, whatever people want to do is up to them but again when you are an anxious person like me, who happens not to drink, it can be quite overwhelming to suddenly be thrust into that "student lifestyle".
 
Personally, I chose not to really get involved in that and that's okay as well. Like I said, it is about making sure that you are comfortable and more importantly being SAFE. When you're in Sixth Form, you are kind of limited by how much you can drink because you live at home and are confined by the structure of school every weekday (not to mention you are underage!), but at university, there are no limits and so it's important to be careful.
 
 
 

Friday, May 27, 2016

May Favourites 2016

I absolutely love doing monthly favourites blog posts and I haven't done one since last July which is almost a year ago (where has time gone?). The way I usually do these is that I make a list of what products I've been using and liking and just add to it every time I find a new favourite so that I can write about it here. However, since I haven't done one of these in a long time, my list is long and when I say long, I mean LONG. I've decided to do it a bit different time since a few of my favourites are things I've talked about before. So I will link previous blog posts throughout and update you on anything new I've found out about the product since I last raved about it. Let's get started then!

This was actually given to me by my auntie because it was too dark for her skin and I actually LOVE it. It's quite a thick consistency compared to what I usually wear so I usually mix it with another cheaper foundation in order to get the best coverage that suits my skin tone. I think if you're after a full face of makeup that looks good in pictures and lasts a good few hours then this is probably perfect for you. I wouldn't recommend wearing it every single day especially if you have sensitive skin like mine.

In general, I try to limit the amount of makeup and length of time I wear it just to keep my skin as fresh and 'spot-free' as possible. Overall, I think its a really good product and even though it's a bit more expensive than most foundations, the MAC website says it's £25.50, its definitely worth it.

 
I've used this foundation before and I didn't like it and I actually remember why. It didn't give me the full coverage I wanted years ago because its quite light. However, now that's exactly what I want and its actually the reason I love it. My skin is generally good, I don't really get a lot of spots or anything but I do have an uneven skin tone, which this foundation fixes. It's a really creamy consistency that goes on pretty well and doesn't need that much buffing to be worked onto your skin.
 
I would definitely recommend a mousse foundation if you go to school for example, or if you just want something that's quite natural. It's perfect for summer as well because of how light it is, it doesn't look like you've caked a load of makeup on but gives you a nice, fresh look.

This product was actually just in my bathroom home and I decided to try it and I actually like really like it. It's a primer that essentially takes away all of your pores and I know that sounds exaggerated but honestly, its incredible. You only need like the tiniest little bit, we're talking pea-sized here, and you smooth it over your face the same way you would a moisturiser or something and it changes the way your skin feels and looks. It creates this sort of wonderful matte base before you've actually put any makeup on and I think its great. If my skin tone was even in any way, I would literally wear this instead of foundation because its perfect and cheap too. I didn't buy it like I said but its a Garnier product so I'm guessing its incredibly affordable and absolutely worth it.
 
I've never bought something like this before, usually because its quite rare that I wear makeup all day long. I'm usually only doing something for a few hours and so it doesn't really matter if my makeup wears off. But recently, I've been wanting to keep my makeup looking a bit better for longer and I just saw this in Boots a few months ago and picked it up on a whim. It's a setting spray that you spray over your face after you've put your makeup on.

The first time I sprayed it on, I didn't like it because each droplet dried like a powder onto my face but it turns out, I didn't shake the bottle properly like it says. So remember to do that if you are going to buy it, also make sure your foundation is dry especially if its a liquid because that doesn't work properly either. Its a good product for general makeup use and if you want it to last a little bit longer than usual, I wouldn't say 24 hours like its advertised but for the cost, its pretty good.

I have really dry hair and so I've always had to use oil or spray to keep it moisturised. I very rarely do it though just because I forget but I bought a few oils to try from Boots. My favourite so far is probably this one because it doesn't make my hair feel greasy like other ones I've used. I can't describe it properly but it just makes my hair feel good. I just need to get into a routine where I put it in my hair every single day instead of just whenever I wash it. It really makes a difference to the quality of my hair and not only that, but it tightens my curls a lot and doesn't make my hair as frizzy as it usually is. Any product that does that is perfect in my eyes and I would recommend it.
 
I was honestly considering putting this into a blog post of its own simply because of how INCREDIBLE it is. I bought it for my mum for Christmas after it came out last November because of how much I thought she would enjoy it. I only copied it onto my phone because I was going back to uni and I wanted something to listen to on the train back. I never listen to albums all the way through because I prefer singles but I made an exception for Adele and I am so glad I did because every single song is so perfect.


Every word she sings you can hear exactly what she thinks and relate to it yourself. My favourite song is called Send Your Love (To Your New Lover) ands its the first song that I listened to because I had already heard Hello and I was obsessed. This was months ago and it is still the first song I always play because its perfect. Its upbeat and a bit sassy on Adele's part but wonderful all the same. I knew that I would like the album but I didn't know how much I would LOVE it and I know you will too.
 
I'm not going to say much more about this programme because as you probably know, it is my absolute favourite and I have written about it before, with the first time being in my November Favourites 2013 which was ages ago. I'm not going to spoil anything about this season but let me just say, the writers have nailed it and have developed the characters in the most perfect way. Unfortunately I didn't have a TV in my room at uni so it was kind of a great treat coming home to find out my mum had recorded all of the episodes over the last few months. It meant that I could binge watch the entire season as soon as I got home and I LOVED it.
 
This is a magazine written by women for women. It's funny and witty and more importantly HONEST. They talk about the news and lifestyle issues as well as loads of other cool things. I found it because I follow Sarah Millican (a female British comedian) on Twitter and I think she and other female comedians and writers actually started it. You can really tell that the writers care about the magazine and their audience because of how honest they are about their real life experiences, good and bad. I've never read anything like this; its so different and rare because it focuses on the amazing things women can do and builds them up rather than tearing them like a lot of other magazines do. So if you want to feel empowered and strong and PROUD to be a woman, I would definitely recommend this.
 

 
I've actually included this podcast in my July Favourites 2015 and I have to say, I still LOVE it. If you don't know, Tyler Oakley is a YouTuber who makes videos primarily on LGBT+ issues and I have been watching him for years. He started a podcast with his best friend, Korey Kuhl I think about 2 years and its so funny. They talk about their lives and pop culture in a really relaxed way that makes you feel like you're just part of the conversation. Another great thing is that they upload every week and each episode stands alone so you don't have to listen in order; you can just dip in and listen to whichever one whenever.
 
 
And that's it for this post! I just did a quick look back at how long it is and I'm sorry but I guess I just had so much to say since I haven't done one of these in a long time. Anyway, thanks for reading!
 
 
 
 

Monday, May 23, 2016

Feeling Alone: My First Year At University

I've been thinking of ways to write this blog post for a while because I want to make it clear. It was not the actual university experience that made me feel what I'm about to say, but just my choices and how my personality doesn't necessarily fit with those choices. So, I'm going to start off by explaining my situation and how it got me to how I feel right now. Remember this is my experience only and I know some people who would have loved to be in my position which just proves, it really is a subjective experience of my first year at university.
 
First of all, let me give you some CONTEXT. My entire life I have been wanting to go to university; my mum went when she was 32 years old and she's a very successful teacher because of that. Perhaps this is why I've been so motivated to go to university, because I've seen just how quickly it can change your life. I'm living proof of that. However, my mum obviously had me at the time (I was 8 when she started) so she lived at home and just travelled in. When it came to me deciding if I was going to live at university, I automatically said I wanted to 'get the real experience' and live there like a 'proper student'. I now realise how wrong I was. For me, it was the worst decision I could have made. I spent the best part of a year feeling the most alone, most miserable I have ever felt in my entire life.
 
There were many things that made me feel this way and I'll explain them in full detail but again remember, it was my own experience. Just because I hated it, doesn't mean you won't. I really want to promote university because my actual course there is really amazing, it was just everything else that went to shit.

One of the first things I'm going to talk about is fact that I lived in student accommodation, meaning that I shared a flat with 5 other people, nay STRANGERS, but I had my own bedroom and bathroom. Looking back, I don't remember being nervous about living with people I had never met before but I should have done. Not because they weren't nice, they were, but they just weren't the type of people I would be friends with. I knew pretty much straight away because we went on a night out the first day we met and while it was fun, I still felt a bit separate from them. I have always been the type of person to withdraw from people I don't feel comfortable with and I definitely did that with my flatmates. I just never really clicked with them straightaway the way I've literally done with every other of my other friends and so I started spending more and more time in my room away from them. I would only go into the kitchen/ lounge area to make some food or get a drink, but after a while I stopped doing that and just started buying food that I didn't need to heat up or put in the fridge in order to avoid them. Again, it wasn't because they were awful people, I just felt incredibly anxious walking into a room filled with people who got on well with each other and having them look at me. This sort of meant that the food that I buy was things like crisps, chocolate, sweets, anything that I didn't need to cook or refrigerate and as you can imagine, my weight crept up. I've always had a problem with food and it definitely showed this year. I put on a whole bunch of weight but it was the only thing that made me feel better. It was a short term solution that created a long time solution. Here I am, 4 stone heavier trying to fix what happened last year and failing. Literally as I'm writing this, I'm eating m&m's but I can't stop. It's as if even trying to write about what happened forces that part of my brain to think about being alone, and out comes the chocolate to fix it. That's one of the reasons I'm glad to be home, I'm kind of forced to eat in secret meaning that I don't eat as much in fear of someone finding out. At university when I was in the comfort of my room, I could devour anything I wanted to without consequences. Here I have to face my eating habits for what they are. Stupid and unhealthy.

Another thing about student accommodation that I didn't really think about but probably should have is the fact that it was filled with students. It sounds obvious but its only when you get there that you realise how awful students are. They drink all the time, most nights and when you are someone like me i.e. a non-drinker with anxiety issues, it kind of makes it hard to fit in. Like I said, I didn't spend time with my flatmates, one of the reasons being that they liked to drink, and so I spent every night alone in my room, you guessed it eating my pain away. it also meant that I didn't go to sleep until god knows what time because of how loud my flatmates were and my room was next to the kitchen/ lounge. I was also on the 1st floor (after the ground floor) so I heard all the drunk people staggering home at 2am, shouting and screaming their heart out, not to mention the constant railway and construction noise surrounding my building. It was just a lot to deal with, especially for someone like me who likes the peace and quiet.

One of the last things I wanted to mention was the friends that I made at university which happened fairly quickly I'd say. They're a lot like me in that they like to have a laugh and a joke without the alcohol. However, as nice as they were, they lived at home and only travelled into university when we had a lecture meaning that we only saw each other for a few hours a week. We would text and everything but its really not the same. I spent a lot of time just being alone or ringing my family which would always make me feel better because it gave me that connection back home to where I was happiest. Every time I went home, which wasn't a lot thanks to my job and my lectures covering most days of the week so ringing home was all I had. I would count down the days to when I could finally go home and feel happy which sounds ridiculous but was honestly true.

I wanted to drop out so many times and come home but at the end of the day, this was what I wanted. I mean it wasn't exactly the way I pictured it but I was at university. The place I've worked so hard to get to and despite the fact this year has been one of the toughest of my life, I am still so proud of the fact that I managed to get there. I come from a working class background, a council estate, the child of a single parent but here I am, a university student well on her way to graduating. I'm definitely not going to live there next year, which means there's a lot of travelling in my future. Potentially 2 hours on the train and back 5 times a week but with how I've felt this year, I can honestly say it's going to be worth it. I know that I can do it, because trust me its going to be much better than feeling alone and miserable for the best part of a year. Its been a long, difficult year but I DID IT.

 
 
 

WELCOME TO 2016

Friday, January 29, 2016

WELCOME TO 2016

I know I've been gone for so long and I apologise repeatedly but I have been so incredibly busy over the last few months and when I say busy, I mean BUSY. I left home to go to university and that has been very... interesting to say the least. I found it very difficult to settle in and I'll explain that fully in an upcoming post. It's going to take me a long time to figure out a way to write about that properly because there's a very specific way I want to talk about. I did try to write about it before in an update that was going to be summing up 2015 (nice job, T you're only a month late) and that was supposed to be going up before the start of the New Year.
 
 
Obviously I wanted to talk about 2015 before I started onto 2016 and yet I have not managed to do that yet so I thought I would write just a brief little intro or re-intro, I should say, back onto my blog. For any new people here, this website is a place that I created by myself about 2 and a half years ago and its kind of just a random mix of everything. I review music video's, do 'Favourites' posts and generally just babble about whatever is on my mind at that time. Right now for example, I'm thinking about going to sleep because I am absolutely exhausted but I will pick right back up on this tomorrow because I have some exciting new posts coming your way very soon. Thank you for staying with me; here's to the next year.
 
Love Tayla xx